Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Chuck Norris vs Rajni Kanth







Chuck Norris

Our own... Rajni Kanth Sir!

  • Chuck Norris can eat just one Lays potato chip.
  • Our Rajni Kanth Sir was the one who invented this tag line so that he could trick Chuck Norris into eating just one and have the rest of the packet himself!

  • Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  • Our dear Rajni Kanth Sir had taken an oath four years ago at the Tirumala Tirupati Balaji Temple never to sneeze again - obviously he can control his sneezes - after a particularly devastating tsunami happened off the east coast of India some hundred miles from Madras.

  • Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded pistol and won.
  • Our own Rajni Kanth Sir did the same thing, except with a Kalashnikov which broke down after the first shot, after he spat back the bullet (from in-between his teeth) on to the rifle.

  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
  • How do you think all dinosaurs disappeared one fine day and the horses began inhabiting the earth in the first place?

  • Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
  • Transmission by electrical signals? Naah! Remember that respected Rajni Kanth Sir can run faster than the speed of electricity. So at times like these, he takes out his specially made shades - a gift from NASA in 1993 as a mark of appreciation for successful completion of one of his less than mundane assignments; something to do with changing the trajectory of meteor Schumacher-Levy 9 to avoid collision with earth - and wears them in his trademark style. These shades are actually miniature artificial black holes. They cause a tear in the space-time continuum and suck in all energy into it (including the audio-visual components) and thus bring the message in the wysiwyg (what you see is what you get) form right to his eyes in less than a nano-second. Whoaaa!


And as if this was not enough, one can always say [F-word] Norris, but no one can make fun of our beloved Rajni Kanth Sir Ji's name. Always remember nobody messes with HIM. Long live Rajni Kanth Sir Ji.


DISCLAIMER: The author (that's me) does not intend to hurt any emotional or/and religious sentiments by this article. He would like to apologize to persons to whom he might have caused such and such to happen. Also the opinions expressed here are his own (of course they are, this is original stuff) and not of any organization that he may be affiliated to.

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Sunday, April 20, 2008

#9

I like barbers who don't mistake your head for a rubix cube while they go about their business, and shorten only the hair, not the self-esteem.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

#8

There's many a slip 'twixt the lip and a lip


#7

Caught between Ambition and Ataraxia


Sunday, April 6, 2008

Haiku attempt #3


This ones for the Department, and the years spent with it, in it.

Rainy, monsoon, afternoon
Dep foyer; perched atop the boundary wall
leaning against the pillar, I gaze.


If you have no clue about what the above is, click here

Saturday, April 5, 2008

#6

The problem with modern times is that the devils don't wear their horns on the head.

Monday, January 28, 2008

#5


"Down the Gehenna, or up the Throne, he travels fastest who travels alone." - Joseph Rudyard Kipling

Monday, January 14, 2008

#4

Trust a girl to find a cute name even for the pancreas.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

कृ8♀T - Donate Eyes

It is not for nothing that humans are God's masterpiece on earth, and even to top that women amongst them are the epitome of his creativity. Don't agree? Let me show you how. Its simple, women are creativity personified. In fact creativity literally means the process of 'creating eves' - create-eve-ity - see. Anyways, this label of posts from me is dedicated to the other man made forms of creativity. Hopefully you've decrypted the title now!

Here goes the first one, that did impress me much!

Monday, January 7, 2008

arbit thought #30

Do you often - or atleast sometimes - not wonder that there are things which no one talks about, writes about, or even thinks about. They seem so silly and trivial that, we don't even care to wonder about them, leave alone share a thought with someone. Some how even comparing the number of weekly page visits on one's orkut profile, seems less weird.

It is then that I begin to wonder - is it just me? Following is one such thingamajig, that I keep thinking about till it makes me sick.

When was the last time you lay sick in bed - hopefully due to some minor sickness - and with your mind free of any meaningful thoughts, you noticed that you always ended up turning your gaze towards the source of light in that room - the white tube-light, or the monotonous incandescent bulb, or these days the even more so monotonous chloro-fluorescent lamps; and this happened again and again, even when you didn't want it to, till you reached a point when you started detesting it. This happens to me all the time, even when I 'm not sick, probably because I've gotten to this habit of sleeping with all lights on. It is then that I direct my sight to the other side in resentment and start thinking that we are no less stupid than insects - and while I am doing this, with my limited logical ability and knowledge, I start noticing these arbit shapes flying in front of my eyes - yes, I had warned you that it is going to be weird and completely arbit - in a random fashion.

They are usually in the shape of short crooked strokes and, sometimes even dots or circles. There's very few of them, and when you fix your eyes on any one of them - now that is when the game begins. You can never look at them, they always outrun your spot of focus. You shall keep chasing them as much as you want; they are like a currency note that is tied to a hardly visible thread, that is pulled by a man hiding in the bushes, just as a passer by bends down to pick it up - in movies or 'Just for Gags'.

Perhaps they are something inside the eyes or just something on the cornea, but that is not relevant. This I believe should be a common occurrence to everyone, yet no one talks about it. I know it is meaningless, but is it not also strange. Why did anyone in the past 23 years of my existence have the inquisitiveness to talk about this to me, or why is it only now that I am talking, no writing in oblivion, about this. Is it because this is the final semester, and having been placed I have nothing better to do?

Now, this is the part where I am going to filter out something profound from the 'blahbrage' above. It is amazing the ways in which human societies consider issues/ topics/occurrences worthy/relevant or not to talk and write about. Give it a thought, isn't the above 'phenomenon' I have written about more speakable/writable than news about two Canadians marrying under the sea, or gossip about the tiff between Ekta Kapoor and the other self assumed bimbo girl - what's her name...eh..whateva..

Friday, December 28, 2007

# 3

As persuasive as sleep

Thursday, December 20, 2007

truth is funnier than fiction 1.3

Turns out, Orkut has a sense of humor too. We didn't doubt them on it completely though, if you remember the "Bad Bad Server, No donuts..." message that was supposed to tickle out your frustration at the page not opening even on the 23rd click of the 'Reload' button; however going to lengths like this - spelling the visitors' names and the Today's Fortune inverted - we never expected that. Heres the proof below.


Indeed my mind is most certainly creative, original and 'alert'. Almost made me think, I had some weird Spaniard / French guy hacking my profile, for a moment there.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

truth is funnier than fiction 1.2

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 - CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied -
"Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Comin' and I grinned."
"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.

"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."

"BUT, your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."
"CASE DISMISSED!!"

# 2

It is but God's greatest miracle on earth that half the population of Calcutta does not die everyday in road accidents.

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Sunday, December 16, 2007

# 1

Shouldn't W be 'double-V' ?!


Sunday, February 25, 2007

Haiku attempt #2


Also
then, God and I
only used to start with letters capital.
Now, I am alone god.



For those who have no inkling of what the above is, may I be immodest enough to suggest to check out haiku attempt#1.

Friday, February 23, 2007

arbit thought #24

What's with me today? Never thought would ever have the tempo to do back-2-backs.

Something's gotten me
Something there is that......

Ok! Let me stop right here; Don't know what's with all this poetic crap (read the post below); I mean I do appreciate poetry and poetists (now there, I don't have the poetic license right!), but never thought it would my cup of Black Coffee (I don't T). So it was kind of strange that I got lulled away. Perhaps it was the frustness as I've mentioned in the footnote, or perhaps, more in the hind consciousness, it was the effort to put the idea - of the huge distance between thought and action - across in a more subtle manner , to make the reader - including myself - feel more intellectual and hence appreciate it better.

However. Whatever. Anyways. Haven't got any more of these 'brain-cache-memory-flushing' words; with the baggage of the last post atop, it really feels inappropriate to put down another of those arbit thoughts.This is the part whee I decide to strike out the caption. #24 tera number aayega, zaroor aayega!

So I guess that'll be it for now. I'll wonder a little more as I do.
SEE, it still hasn't left me!

arbit thought #25

Every time.
Every time my ship wrecks in the tumultuous waters.
O the unending miles, you make me weary before I start
As I leave the Harbor of Thought.
O the unfathomable firmament, wretched is your enchantment
I lose the way as you sweet talk.

I want to be no poet.
I want to be no Hemingway.
I want to be no drifter.
I want to reach Port Action.

Perhaps I must have a stronger boat.
Perhaps I must have more moons.
Perhaps I must have a new route.
Perhaps I must have a better I.


Wonder as I do
Will this all be that's it!
Wonder as I do.
And Wonder as I yet do.


Okay, turned into something resembling like those things that those people write....
wasn't intentional; wrong time, Mood Grey.



Friday, February 16, 2007

arbit thought #23

Girls!....
And the really, truly, genuinely, verily pretty ones I mean
They seem so unachievable...
..so kinda outta your league

And then..
Their boyfriends come along.